I lost my parents in a car accident when I was 36 and they were 63 & 66. 25 years ago, and now I am almost 61, and I realize how much time I was cheated out of, and also we have my mother-in-law at 93 just down the street so ... I think living long but body giving out is just as hard, almost. I didn't have time to anticipate my parents' inevitable decline, but I was scared when I lost them. No matter what age you become an orphan, it's hard. But what would it be to hold them again and say goodbye?
This is so touching. So sorry you lost parents so tragically when you were only 36 years old. I can't image what a shock and loss that has been for you. Sending you tons of love.
You and your mother remind me of me and my mother. My mom died in March at the age of 102 years and 7 months. Since she fell and broke her shoulder in 2020, my mom needed caregivers 24/7. As time went on, greater chunks of time were spent in bed and she eventually became fully dependent on caregivers. I made sure she remained in her own apartment. I’m so glad I was able to do that for her.
You are doing a fantastic world of good for your mother and yourself. How lucky she is to have you right there with her. Enjoy the time you have left to be together—be it months or years. I hope you remember to take care of yourself too. XO
Thanks for you sharing your story. My mom also broke her shoulder and it was Jan 1 2020. And then she fell again last year and fractured her pelvis. We are lucky as she didn't break her hip but both have impacted her confidence and her gate. That is great that you kept your mom at home. I'm doing the same and staying with her nearly all the time. My home is up north. Thanks for your note about taking care of myself. It is easy to forget to do so when you are a full time caregiver. Sending love your way xo
Gayle, I hope you can get help to ease the load for you a bit. Even if it’s just a few hours a few days a week. If you ever want to talk or maybe get some (unsolicited) advice from someone who’s been there, shoot me a note. We have much in common. ❤️🩹
I too went through what you are going through. My mother fell in her kitchen in 2019 and broke her neck. We think she fell over her cat who she was up feeding at 4:30 am in the dark. I took in her cat while she was in the hospital even though my entire family was highly allergic lol. When my mom came home we hired full time help for her. Then COVID hit. It was crazy trying to keep the help/aide as well as go to dr apptms. I added the ring cameras, one in the LR and one in her room. I witnessed her fall multiple times and was petrified she would be dead. I was glued obsessively to the app on my phone watching her sleep, eat, breathe etc, as well as struggle to get off the floor. It was awful. I made myself sick. Eventually her neck healed and we lowered the amount of days she had help which is what she wanted. I wanted her to move closer to my home, 45 minutes away, but it was too much for her she said. I tried helping her as much as I could. I took a family medical leave so I could help her when she was alone but she didn’t like me being there so often and intruding on her life. Even though she was no longer allowed to drive she rather be home alone than have me come over and keep her company. When she unexpectedly died in 2021 after emergency intestinal surgery, I was devastated and in shock and had a lot of guilt and regrets. Your mom is so lucky to have you and appreciate you. Savor it and take time for yourself as well. Can’t wait for your movie to come out! ❤️
I feel I’m at the grieving stage. Preparing myself for that moment. But until then, I do the best I can. I visit as often as I can. I watch him on camera as well. I put off my career, and not one regret. I let my manager know that my father is my priority. It’s in G-d’s hands 🙏 my father saved me from my wicked mother.
You and I have so much in common. I love reading your work, Gayle! Keep on being awesome!
You are both so lucky to have each other for so long. No doubt you have not only greatly extended her life but her quality of life. Few people have the time or dedication to family and you are an inspiration to many 🙏❤️
Thank you, Robert. I often think one of the reasons for her longevity is that we got off to a bad start and it wasn't until I hit 50 that I went on my journey to forgive her. And since we have had nearly 20 great years together filled with adventures around the world.
Hi Gayle I am sorry your mom isn't feeling well. I always say only God knows when our time is up and when He is ready for us to come home to Him.
Three weeks ago we all thought the gentleman I am taking care of was going to die but last night he almost knocked me over with his walker because he wanted to use his bathroom instead of his bedside commode.
I pray your mom feels better soon and is back to going out to her happy hour.
I don’t quite understand how she can look so vibrant getting her nails done, going out to shul, lunch, whatever and yet spend most of her time in bed. Does she have spurts of energy, or is she depressed when she just lies in bed? Gosh, that must be hard to be torn between realities at the same time. For both if you. Hugs.
She doesn't have much energy. It's her heart. Just getting dress exhausts her. She's not depressed. She is a very social person and enjoys going out when she's up to it. I am here to provide her with as many opportunities to do so, while making sure she's okay.
You are amazing at doing that. She looks so happy when she goes out. Thank you for giving her all the attention and help she needs. She is very blessed to have you.
She has a strong spirit and zest for life. Unfortunately her energy and health don't match it right now. So yes, she has spurts of energy and is a very social person and loves being around others. I noticed when we went out for Happy Hour the other night eventhough she was surrounded by friends and fans who love her, she was eager to get home and into bed. That's a first. xo
What I've learned from losing both my sister and Mother is that there is no way to really prepare AND that even when they no longer have a body, you will find new ways to communicate because they aren't gone. Yes, you will mourn the loss of the daily physicality of her in your life, and be ready to be amazed at all the ways she appears to you. My sister sometmes literally whispers in my ear when I'm in the bathtub and shows up in the backyard as a hummingbird. My mother came thru for the first year by making a chime sound on my phone every night at 10pm (the time she died) A sound I had never heard before and now no longer hear. except on rare occasions.
When I have a channeler handy, I get very detailed messages. For instance, she now has a "job" in heaven. She is coaching people who have crossed over but don't want to be there. Also, before she passed she always said her greatest fear was dying alone. When in hospice, in memory care, I did my best to always be there except to go home and sleep. It was New Year's Eve 2023, and she and the two hospice people with me in the room, all agreed it didn't seem like she was ready to go. So I went home. Ten minutes after I got into bed, at 10pm, they called to say she had passed. It was as if she was waiting for me to leave. Life and Death are a mystery.
Thank you for sharing this. Yes, as the daughter of a funeral director I grew up seeing dead bodies. I always believed there was life after death since my earliest memories. And I have had also similar experiences with my father. I spoke to him from his home when he was in a hospice care facility in a coma due to a stroke. I told him he needed to let go I would take of mom. Literally the minute I finished speaking to (I was in the shower), the phone rang and seconds later my mother banged on the door of the bathroom telling me not to wash my hair that dad had died. Now, he has communicate a few times and when I'm bed with my mom on his side of the bed, he does it through his old radio clock. Love the tip you sent me.
This resonates deeply with me. My Father and I had a complex relationship. He passed at 93, a year and a half after my Mother passed unexpectedly. The last month of his life he slept more than he was awake. Until 3 days before his passing, he still believed he could "get well" again. He was growing more confused, but he knew he wanted his children with him. I spent the last 72 hours of his life with him, and I'm so thankful I did. It was not the passing I wanted for him, but being there was non-negotiable for me.
Since then I've discovered Hospice Nurse Julie account on Instagram. I wished I'd found it before he passed. It has helped me with the trauma of his body doing all it could to survive. It was not gentle until the last 5 minutes.
May your beloved Mother have much more quality time left.🙏. And one day, when it happens may her passing be peaceful for all.
I lost my parents in a car accident when I was 36 and they were 63 & 66. 25 years ago, and now I am almost 61, and I realize how much time I was cheated out of, and also we have my mother-in-law at 93 just down the street so ... I think living long but body giving out is just as hard, almost. I didn't have time to anticipate my parents' inevitable decline, but I was scared when I lost them. No matter what age you become an orphan, it's hard. But what would it be to hold them again and say goodbye?
This is so touching. So sorry you lost parents so tragically when you were only 36 years old. I can't image what a shock and loss that has been for you. Sending you tons of love.
You and your mother remind me of me and my mother. My mom died in March at the age of 102 years and 7 months. Since she fell and broke her shoulder in 2020, my mom needed caregivers 24/7. As time went on, greater chunks of time were spent in bed and she eventually became fully dependent on caregivers. I made sure she remained in her own apartment. I’m so glad I was able to do that for her.
You are doing a fantastic world of good for your mother and yourself. How lucky she is to have you right there with her. Enjoy the time you have left to be together—be it months or years. I hope you remember to take care of yourself too. XO
Thanks for you sharing your story. My mom also broke her shoulder and it was Jan 1 2020. And then she fell again last year and fractured her pelvis. We are lucky as she didn't break her hip but both have impacted her confidence and her gate. That is great that you kept your mom at home. I'm doing the same and staying with her nearly all the time. My home is up north. Thanks for your note about taking care of myself. It is easy to forget to do so when you are a full time caregiver. Sending love your way xo
Gayle, I hope you can get help to ease the load for you a bit. Even if it’s just a few hours a few days a week. If you ever want to talk or maybe get some (unsolicited) advice from someone who’s been there, shoot me a note. We have much in common. ❤️🩹
I too went through what you are going through. My mother fell in her kitchen in 2019 and broke her neck. We think she fell over her cat who she was up feeding at 4:30 am in the dark. I took in her cat while she was in the hospital even though my entire family was highly allergic lol. When my mom came home we hired full time help for her. Then COVID hit. It was crazy trying to keep the help/aide as well as go to dr apptms. I added the ring cameras, one in the LR and one in her room. I witnessed her fall multiple times and was petrified she would be dead. I was glued obsessively to the app on my phone watching her sleep, eat, breathe etc, as well as struggle to get off the floor. It was awful. I made myself sick. Eventually her neck healed and we lowered the amount of days she had help which is what she wanted. I wanted her to move closer to my home, 45 minutes away, but it was too much for her she said. I tried helping her as much as I could. I took a family medical leave so I could help her when she was alone but she didn’t like me being there so often and intruding on her life. Even though she was no longer allowed to drive she rather be home alone than have me come over and keep her company. When she unexpectedly died in 2021 after emergency intestinal surgery, I was devastated and in shock and had a lot of guilt and regrets. Your mom is so lucky to have you and appreciate you. Savor it and take time for yourself as well. Can’t wait for your movie to come out! ❤️
I’m right beside you, Gayle!
I feel I’m at the grieving stage. Preparing myself for that moment. But until then, I do the best I can. I visit as often as I can. I watch him on camera as well. I put off my career, and not one regret. I let my manager know that my father is my priority. It’s in G-d’s hands 🙏 my father saved me from my wicked mother.
You and I have so much in common. I love reading your work, Gayle! Keep on being awesome!
Thanks, Reva!! My book is coming soon. Oy!
Gayle, This is such a moving piece of writing – and love.
Thank you! 🙏
You are both so lucky to have each other for so long. No doubt you have not only greatly extended her life but her quality of life. Few people have the time or dedication to family and you are an inspiration to many 🙏❤️
Thank you, Robert. I often think one of the reasons for her longevity is that we got off to a bad start and it wasn't until I hit 50 that I went on my journey to forgive her. And since we have had nearly 20 great years together filled with adventures around the world.
So beautiful
Hi Gayle I am sorry your mom isn't feeling well. I always say only God knows when our time is up and when He is ready for us to come home to Him.
Three weeks ago we all thought the gentleman I am taking care of was going to die but last night he almost knocked me over with his walker because he wanted to use his bathroom instead of his bedside commode.
I pray your mom feels better soon and is back to going out to her happy hour.
Much love to you both.
Cindy
I don’t quite understand how she can look so vibrant getting her nails done, going out to shul, lunch, whatever and yet spend most of her time in bed. Does she have spurts of energy, or is she depressed when she just lies in bed? Gosh, that must be hard to be torn between realities at the same time. For both if you. Hugs.
She doesn't have much energy. It's her heart. Just getting dress exhausts her. She's not depressed. She is a very social person and enjoys going out when she's up to it. I am here to provide her with as many opportunities to do so, while making sure she's okay.
You are amazing at doing that. She looks so happy when she goes out. Thank you for giving her all the attention and help she needs. She is very blessed to have you.
She has a strong spirit and zest for life. Unfortunately her energy and health don't match it right now. So yes, she has spurts of energy and is a very social person and loves being around others. I noticed when we went out for Happy Hour the other night eventhough she was surrounded by friends and fans who love her, she was eager to get home and into bed. That's a first. xo
What I've learned from losing both my sister and Mother is that there is no way to really prepare AND that even when they no longer have a body, you will find new ways to communicate because they aren't gone. Yes, you will mourn the loss of the daily physicality of her in your life, and be ready to be amazed at all the ways she appears to you. My sister sometmes literally whispers in my ear when I'm in the bathtub and shows up in the backyard as a hummingbird. My mother came thru for the first year by making a chime sound on my phone every night at 10pm (the time she died) A sound I had never heard before and now no longer hear. except on rare occasions.
When I have a channeler handy, I get very detailed messages. For instance, she now has a "job" in heaven. She is coaching people who have crossed over but don't want to be there. Also, before she passed she always said her greatest fear was dying alone. When in hospice, in memory care, I did my best to always be there except to go home and sleep. It was New Year's Eve 2023, and she and the two hospice people with me in the room, all agreed it didn't seem like she was ready to go. So I went home. Ten minutes after I got into bed, at 10pm, they called to say she had passed. It was as if she was waiting for me to leave. Life and Death are a mystery.
Thank you for sharing this. Yes, as the daughter of a funeral director I grew up seeing dead bodies. I always believed there was life after death since my earliest memories. And I have had also similar experiences with my father. I spoke to him from his home when he was in a hospice care facility in a coma due to a stroke. I told him he needed to let go I would take of mom. Literally the minute I finished speaking to (I was in the shower), the phone rang and seconds later my mother banged on the door of the bathroom telling me not to wash my hair that dad had died. Now, he has communicate a few times and when I'm bed with my mom on his side of the bed, he does it through his old radio clock. Love the tip you sent me.
This resonates deeply with me. My Father and I had a complex relationship. He passed at 93, a year and a half after my Mother passed unexpectedly. The last month of his life he slept more than he was awake. Until 3 days before his passing, he still believed he could "get well" again. He was growing more confused, but he knew he wanted his children with him. I spent the last 72 hours of his life with him, and I'm so thankful I did. It was not the passing I wanted for him, but being there was non-negotiable for me.
Since then I've discovered Hospice Nurse Julie account on Instagram. I wished I'd found it before he passed. It has helped me with the trauma of his body doing all it could to survive. It was not gentle until the last 5 minutes.
May your beloved Mother have much more quality time left.🙏. And one day, when it happens may her passing be peaceful for all.